Friday, March 14, 2008

'Ello, Govna

Lieutenant Gov. David Paterson is set to become the Governor of New York State Monday following the resignation of Gov. Eliot Spitzer. Paterson will make history as the state's first African American governor. But, perhaps even more significantly, Paterson will also be the first legally blind governor in U.S. history.

Finally, this neglected segment of society will be represented in the highest office of the State, giving a voice to those without vision.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Dr. E. Varnberg's "A Brief History of Time"

  • Sun.
  • Sand.
  • Gears.
  • Electrical power supplies.
  • Ralph Nader attempting to destroy all things good because he should be allowed to.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a rat's antebellum

I went to an international school. Subsequently, me and US History, not the best of amigos. Usually this only gets me into serious trouble when I laugh at what is recognizably an American historical reference, albeit one with which I am unfamiliar, at a comedy show or on TV, and the person next to me asks me to explain the joke. Unable to admit that I had only pretended to understand the quip, I begin the futile endeavor of trying to explain why the reference was hysterical in only the vaguest of terms. It's kind of like watching presidential hopefuls campaign in sparsely populated grocery stores.

This lack of a practical working knowledge of US History brings me to my most recent scholarly embarrassment… my lack of recognition of the term “antebellum.” Now, let’s not exaggerate my stupidity here (despite the inherent entertainment value this would bring to the blog). I knew we were talking about something that happened after the American Revolution and before the "war of northern aggression". – I would like to take this moment to celebrate the fact that in some of Atlanta’s more elite private schools it was not unusual for 16-year-old boys to begin a night of heavy drinking with a toast “fucking Sherman”. – In any event, it was time to start some serious soul-searching in order to determine what “antebellum” really meant.

“Ante” – from Latin, meaning “before.” Cool.

“Bellum” – from the French “belle”, meaning “hot people.”

Therefore: “Antebellum” – adj. Before people were hot.